


could you love this

by Beastrage



Series: illuminate our stories [3]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Wings, Even actually proving good advice, Getting Together, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, Wing Grooming, Wingfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:15:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23221567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beastrage/pseuds/Beastrage
Summary: Demyx was fine with admiring Saix's wings from a distance. He didn't expect he would actually end up touching them, let along helping Saix groom them. But that didn't mean anything!...Right?
Relationships: Demyx/Isa (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: illuminate our stories [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1413787
Comments: 8
Kudos: 28





	could you love this

After the War, after everything’s been done with, Demyx first sees Saïx on the rooftop of Radiant Garden’s castle. With his wings spread out, struggling to groom them from a sitting position. 

Blue wings, of course. Not as blue as his hair, but still recognizably blue. Kinda. 

A mess, even to Demyx’s inexperienced eye. Feathers all twisted about, gray and icky. Ew. 

Demyx can’t  _ imagine  _ having wings like that. Or wings at all. 

One of the weird things about this world: everyone had  _ wings.  _ Wings they could pop in and out of reality like he could with his sitar. Weird to think that  _ Saïx  _ was one of those people. With wings. 

Demyx settles on the edge of the roof on the opposite side. Watching. There’s something almost hypnotic, watching Saïx’s fingers pull feathers into place, stretching out as far as he can go. Not far enough, though. Those far, far edges are clearly still a mess. Still untouched. Unable to be touched, by just Saïx alone. 

Other than the wings, Saïx looks...nice. Healthier, brighter than he used to be. 

No longer wearing the Organization coat that Demyx still owns, for lack of anything else. 

He’s in a black and camo jacket. With a moon symbol on it. 

Looks  _ really  _ good, actually. And the Organization coat looked pretty good on him too. 

That hair and the way he keeps stretching like that...

Demyx swallows. No, he is not  _ drooling.  _ That would be crazy. Besides, Saïx isn’t interested in him anyway. He’ll never be. 

Then Saïx  _ actually looks up.  _ Eyes widen a bit and he folds back his wings. Like he’s trying to get them out of Demyx’s line of sight. He stands. Almost bristling. 

“Demyx. Why are you here?”

Demyx opens his mouth, about to make an excuse. What comes out instead is an honest question. One he’s been thinking about for a while now. Well,  _ kinda  _ thinking about. More of a wonder, than a question he’s ever expected to get answered. 

“Why did you pick me, for the delivery?” For the replica. 

Saïx tilts his head. His wings lower, down to the ground. Clearly not expecting that question. Which is fine, Demyx wasn’t expecting it either. 

Saïx lets out a long breath. “Honestly? It was that no one would expect you, of all people, to go against the Organization like that.”

Demyx lets out a breath of his own. Sounds right, about what he expected. Does it hurt, knowing no one thinks anything of him?

Not really. But it feels like it should. 

“Thank you.”

What? Demyx blinks. “Huh?”

“Thank you,” Saïx repeats. “You...helped. You didn’t have to, but you did. Thank you.”

“Well, I wasn’t doing anything else...” Demyx fiddles with his gloves. 

“That hadn’t changed anything before.” Well, Saïx...isn’t wrong, about that. “Why did you do it?”

Why  _ had  _ Demyx done it?

Thinking...not really his thing! But it looks like Saïx is actually expecting an answer, the way he’s watching him with those green eyes of his. 

Not yellow, anymore.  _ Weird.  _ Everything’s so weird now. Different. At least the x-scar is still there, on the man’s face. Even if everything else is changed. 

Green looks better than yellow, actually. With that blue. 

“I...” Demyx’s hand goes back, behind his head. Thinking out loud. “It was better than sitting around.”

Vexen asked.  _ You  _ asked, indirectly. 

You needed me. Actually, really  _ needed  _ me. 

(I just joined the Organization so I wouldn’t be alone.)

(That’s all.)

“Is that all?” Saïx asks. Not impatient, not mean. Simply...waiting. Waiting to see if Demyx’ll say more. Honest and sincere in ways that leaves Demyx all uncomfortable, all tingly inside where his heart should be. 

Time for a change in subject! Demyx points to Saïx’s wings, still splayed out around him. “So, hey, um, do you need help with that?” He flaps his hands a bit, mimicking wings flapping with the gesture. “They look kinda...gross.”

Saïx’s face is still as stiff as ever, but the way he moves his shoulders, his eyes...he seems taken aback by the offer. Pulls in his wings tighter, until he’s making a circle shape with them. Ends nearly touching, in front of his body. 

They’re  _ huge.  _ Not as big as the former Xaldin’s but much bigger than most other sets of wings that Demyx’s managed to catch brief glimpses of. 

“No.” 

Demyx frowns. “Are you sure? You just...don’t seem to be able to get the ends there.” He gestures to the parts he means, still all icky and sticky-looking. Clumps of feathery weirdness. 

“I’m handling this.” Cold, almost like the old Saïx. A lie, if Demyx’s observations of Saïx’s wing-cleaning attempts are any indication. 

Um. 

“You’re really not.”

Demyx steps forward, reaches out with his gloved hands. Catches the edge of the nearest wing before Saïx can pull it away from him. 

Saïx freezes. 

Uh oh. Demyx quickly releases the wing, putting his hands up in surrender. 

“Let me help.” Please. 

Green eyes look him over, piercing Demyx right down to the core. Saïx’s wings lower, until he’s brushing a wingtip against the end of Demyx’s coat. 

“Very well. Just...” The smallest of shivers. “With your gloves off. Please.”

Oh? That’s crazy. Wasn’t expecting that. Like getting asked to deliver Roxas’ new body in the first place. 

Demyx nods, and removes his gloves right away. Shoving them into his pockets. 

Reaches out for the wings already lowering themselves into his grasp. 

“Now, do it like this...” Saïx informs him strictly as he settles back on the ground. Wings still spread out, for Demyx to touch.

Very strict on how to clean those wings. Probably for good reason. These  _ are  _ attached to his body after all, wouldn’t do to mess them up. Tells him where to sink fingers into the down underneath, to pull out the broken ones (nevermind how it leaves Saïx wincing). 

So much gunk to clean out, from between the feathers. 

Saïx’s hands are warm, as they show how to press feathers into place. So very warm. Clean, unlike the rest of him. 

  
“Man, how long it’s been since you last cleaned up? A decade?” Demyx complains. 

Saïx arches an eyebrow. “Actually, yes.”

Demyx’s fingers pause in their work. “Really?”

“Since the very start of the Organization...ten years ago.”

When he became a Nobody. That’s what that means, Demyx is pretty sure. He asked Zexy- er, Ienzo about this, but didn’t get any answers. Nothing that meant anything outside of lots and lots of guilt. “Did you have wings, as a Nobody? I never saw them.”

A long moment of silence. Heavy silence. 

Oh man, did Demyx step on some wing taboo again? He keeps  _ doing  _ that!

He tries for a shrug. “Whatever, it doesn’t ma-”

“No. I didn’t.” Saïx rolls his shoulder and his wings move right with them. Nearly ripping themselves free of Demyx’s touch. “None of us did. We lost them with our hearts.”

“That...sucks.” Really, what can he say? Demyx doesn’t remember much about the circumstances of losing his heart. Remember much of anything outside of the Organization, of Before. 

He has no heavy loss weighing on him, like apparently the entirety of the Organization members that joined before him. If Demyx has lost something (other than his memories), well, he wouldn’t know. How could he?

“Sorry,” Demyx adds. Weak. Too late to really matter. 

“It’s not your fault.”

Hm. That wasn’t the point. Demyx can’t help but be a little annoyed at that. It’s so hard to think outside of Demyx, but he’s  _ trying _ . More than Saïx, apparently. 

“Doesn’t mean I can’t be _ sorry _ .”

“...I suppose so.” Slow. Quiet. Thoughtful. 

It’s soothing, to help the feathers go back where they’re supposed to be. To run his fingernails through the fluff to pull out the grime. For the gray to fade from the feathers, looking more and more  _ blue _ . Still not as blue as Saïx’s hair, but more blue than before. Moving down the end of it, until he’s just about where wing meets shoulder. The joint. 

Demyx doesn’t realize he’s humming until Saïx asks about it. “What song is that?”

He pauses. Thinks. A familiar tune, but... “I don’t know.” Frustrating, when he accidentally runs into the spaces in his head like that. The gaps he doesn’t know about until they shove themselves into his face. 

“Maybe, one day, you’ll remember.”

One day. “Pretty hopeful, for you.”

Demyx feels, more than sees, Saïx’s ribs moving to inhale a breath. “I’ve been...trying. For hope.”

“That’s why you went for me, huh? Wishful thinking?” Demyx half-jokes. 

“If I wanted wishful thinking, I would have asked someone else to help.” Demyx freezes, as feathers move under his hands, as Saïx turns to look over his shoulder at him. Through the gap of his wing and body, with serious green eyes. “You are more reliable than that.”

Huh. 

Demyx lets out a choked giggle. “No one’s ever called me  _ reliable _ before.”

“Hm.” Saïx closes his eyes. “Well, they should have. You certainly were reliable enough in the Organization. Always knew what you were up to, after all. Nothing.”

Demyx takes a moment to go over that. “Was that a... _ joke?” _

Saïx’s green eyes open, just slightly. Almost a wink. “Perhaps.”

Everything is different now, but...maybe it’s a good kind of different. 

“I like you better this way,” Demyx decides out loud. 

“I’m glad someone does,” Saïx mutters. Almost certainly not meant to be heard by Demyx. 

So he doesn’t say anything, takes a step back instead. Hands on his hips, examining his work. “Done.”

Saïx turns to face him. spreads out his wings, to their full span. Demyx’s breath catches at the sight. 

Saïx’s wings, cleaned and groomed now. Catching the light from the noonday sun far above, balanced against blue blue sky. Like a song, a song without words. 

Beautiful. 

“Thank you,” Saïx says. His usually grim face softening into a grateful smile. Somewhat, he looks  _ even  _ more beautiful, that way. 

“You look good,” Demyx manages. There’s a racing in his chest, a racing he shouldn’t have. Still being a Nobody, and all. 

Saïx pauses. Looks surprised, eyes widening just a bit. Opens his mouth, about to say something-

Demyx takes the moment to escape into a Dark Corridor. “Well, great to see you, thanksalot!”

* * *

Unfortunately Zex-  _ Ienzo  _ isn’t there to talk to. 

Vexen is, instead. Or Even, Demyx guesses it is now. He should really start getting better at this name thing. Tapping away at the computer, back to Demyx’s sudden appearance. His wings are out, of course. Blue and orange and gray-edged. What else would they be, now that Demyx knows that the guy spent ten years without them?

“Um, Even, I need to know some wing things.”

Even pinches at the bridge of his nose, turning from his work. “What have you done now?”

Demyx taps his fingers together. His  _ bare  _ fingers, without any gloves in the way. Man, he  _ really  _ wants to pull out Arpeggio now. But Ve- Even won’t take him seriously if he starts playing his instrument right in front of him, in the middle of a question. 

“Uh, Saïx was...well, his wings were a mess and I touched th-”

“He let you  _ touch his wings _ .” Super loud, even for Even. 

“Um.” Demyx fights the urge to scratch at the side of his face. “Is that a bad thing?”

Even shakes his head. “Merely...unexpected.”

Unexpected?

“Great, what does  _ that  _ mean?”

“Merely...interesting. That he would trust you, of all people, to touch his wings.”

Trust? Uh...

“This is starting to sound  _ really  _ heavy, dude. I just cleaned his feathers up a bit, that’s all.”

Even freezes. “You  _ groomed  _ his wings.”

If Demyx were a Somebody, he probably would have broken out into a sweat at this point. Good thing Nobodies don’t sweat. But is there some rule he’s broken here, in touching Saïx’s wings?

“Yeah, they were a total mess.”

“Hmm. I would have expected  _ Axel  _ to have helped him clean up.” Not you, is what lies underneath that. Demyx’s dealt with  _ plenty  _ of passive-aggressiveness to catch that. 

Demyx feels something in the vicinity of his chest sink. Axel and Saïx... _ everyone  _ knows about them. Rumors abounded about  _ their relationship  _ for as long as Demyx was there. 

Did he...just come onto Saïx? Seriously come onto him. 

Oh man, he’s going to  _ die. _

“Saïx is going to kill me.”

Even’s face softens into something almost resembling sympathy. He shakes his head. “Not if he let you groom his wings.”

Demyx swallows. “I don’t know what that means.” That’s why he came here, that’s why he asked  _ Vexen,  _ of all people. 

“It means, in the most basic definition, that he trusts you.”

“The less basic definition?”

“Once one is grown, they only allow their significant other to touch their wings,” Even clarifies. Neon green eyes peer at Demyx seriously. “Did you... _ do things  _ with Saïx, after my death?”

Holy crap, he’s talking to  _ Vexen  _ about this! Of all people, Vexen!

“No!” Demyx waves his hands. “Of course not!”

Not for lack of trying...unfortunately Saïx never got the hint, no matter how many times Demyx hung around the Gray Area. 

“I thought...he wasn’t into that sort of thing. That’s all.” Demyx knows he must look  _ pathetic,  _ pining after someone who never gave him the time of day. 

“Perhaps, he is now. And this is his way of telling you.” A blue and orange wingtip, stretches out to pat Demyx on the shoulder. Even, being nice. This must be the end times. 

“Uuhh, Ve- Even?”

Even does a shooing gesture, with both brightly colored wings and hands. “Now, out! Enough of this talk!”

Ah. Back to normal. 

“But what do I do?” Demyx almost wails. This is...this is a  _ lot _ . 

Even narrows his eyes. 

“Why, talk to him, of course.”

* * *

Demyx goes back to the roof. Some of him hopes that Saïx won’t be there, but the rest of him is elated when that isn’t the case. 

“Demyx.” Saïx is still on the rooftop where he left him. But sitting on the rampart, feet dangling over into the air. Demyx supposes that if you have wings and can fly with them, you don’t need to be afraid of heights anymore. “You’re back.”

Sounds surprised and something twists in Demyx’s gut at thought that his return would be a shock of any kind. 

“I’m glad...” Demyx swallows. Tries again. “I’m glad I could help you.” He shuffles his feet but walks forward. Over to Saïx, with his wings folded up on his back. 

Saïx does nothing but watch him, until Demyx sits down right next to him. On that edge of castle rampart. 

“So.” Saïx looks out over the city. The city still in repair. “You know now. About touching my wings.”

“Er, yeaaah. Ve-  _ Even  _ told me and everything.”

Saïx lets out a long breath. Closes his eyes. Clearly avoiding Demyx’s own eyes, looking over at him. 

“It doesn’t have to mean anything, if you don’t want it to.”

“But what if I want it to?” The words escape Demyx before he can even think of holding them down. 

Saïx looks surprised, shock wiping away the stress of the years on his face. Looks younger that way. “You would?”

“Yeah. You’re...” There aren’t words, for this warm bubbling in his chest. Demyx may do songs, but he’s never been good at writing decent lyrics. Nothing anyone would want to hear, anyway. 

Broken record and all, you know. 

He tries again, anyway. Because Saïx asked, because Saïx doesn’t know what’s going on inside of his head. “You were a jerk, but you’re trying and I’m trying too and maybe we can try this together. You asked me to help and thought I could.”

You  _ believed  _ in me, at a time when nothing really mattered. 

“And you’re good-looking. Really, really good-looking. Like your wings.”

Demyx can feel the flush in his cheeks. He’s not supposed to blush, Nobodies don’t, but here he is doing it anyway. 

Saïx is blushing too. Makes his scar stand out like...a  _ lot _ . “...Thanks,” he eventually says, sounding a bit like a dying bird as he does so. 

“Could we...possibly do this slowly? Our relationship?”

Demyx lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “We can take it slow.”

“That’s...good.” Relief. Blush already fading. 

“Saïx...”

“It’s Isa, now. That’s my name. Isa.”

“Isa.” Demyx tries. He likes it. It’s sweeter, on his lips. Not a harsh sound pulling at his teeth like Saïx, but something much softer. 

Like this winged man sitting next to him. Who let  _ Demyx _ , out of everyone in the worlds, touch his wings. 

Slowly, surely, Demyx reaches out. Wraps his fingers around Isa’s. Isa glances down and Demyx almost stops. Almost pulls away. 

But, no. Instead, he can feel Isa’s grip tightening around his hand. 

His chest feels like it’s about to burst. 

He hums the first tune that comes to him, swinging his feet. Opens his mouth, because for once, he knows the words. 

“I was told this was where I would start loving myself~”

**Author's Note:**

> The title and lyrics Demyx sings at the end come from the song "If I'm being honest" by dodie. 
> 
> Isa/Saix has the wings of a blue heron, Even has kingfisher wings, and Dilan has the wings (and expanded for his size) of a condor. For all winged people mentioned in this fic. At least.


End file.
